Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Here we go...

Well, I'm jumping on the Bandwagon and starting a blog. For some reason this seems like a better alternative than journaling; I don't know why. Maybe sorting through some of my thoughts this way will help keep me sane through the last 18 weeks of this pregnancy! Pregnancy brain is definitely a real phenomenon. I'm so scattered and unreliable that I'm certain I shouldn't even be allowed to go in public. But alas, I am...in fact, work started again this week, which means I'm actually responsible for helping educate part of America's future. Lord help us all.

One thing that is on my mind right now is our Tupperware Cabinet. Are we the only ones that have this household problem? The Tupperware Cabinet is so chaotic that Reza (my husband) won't even open the door. Part of the problem is that our toddler enjoys playing in it, so any hope of keeping it organized is thrown out the window virtually with the start of every day. Part of the problem also is that it's so hard to keep the lids and the containers together and/or straight. It's ridiculous, really, how long it takes to find a lid that matches a container.

Basically, the rest of our kitchen is pretty well organized. Sure, there are some exceptions, and some days are better than others, but The Tupperware Cabinet is definitely the messiest part of our kitchen. Always. It's tucked away in the corner, conveniently hidden behind a door and nobody would know that it's chaotic in there unless they open the door.

Then I think about how really, truly I am like the kitchen. For the most part, I can present myself as pretty "with it," like the majority of the kitchen. But I have a couple psychological "Tupperware Cabinets." These are areas of my life that I don't willingly share with others - sometimes not even my husband. I don't say that with pride.

One thing that I claim is very important to me is to be transparent with the people around me. But when I think about my psychological "Tupperware Cabinets," I realize that it's not a Truth that I'm living. I like people to see the cleaned up kitchen...but do everything I can to make sure that nobody comes near those "Tupperware Cabinets."

Ouch. That hurts.

As a Christian, I value authenticity. I value honesty. I value transparency. I value those who are "real." And yet...I'm not nearly as authentic as I want to be. Or honest. Or transparent. So here I am. Admitting that my "Tupperware Cabinets" exist.

This is a risky little game. (Thanks Rachel Greene, Friends Season 8, episode 1, "The one after I do.") It may mean that somebody reading this will actually open a Cabinet and see the mess. I'll just tell you right now that I won't blog about the Cabinet Contents - that's a little too much disclosure, even for me. But I am admitting that I need people more than I've allowed myself to. I need more deep connection with my girlfriends. I need to apologize to you women I've held at an arms length - out of fear that you might get near those Tupperware Cabinets.

So, it's a New Year, and a New Attitude. The softer side of Allyson has to be able to come through. Ugh. I don't do the softer side well. Thanks for the help, friends. 2010 will be interesting...

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